Who Am I?

Who am I?

I'm Eunice Agnes Sivosothey.

I'm 15 years old and in two months time I will be 16.

I'm born on the 26th of February 1993 here in JB.

I study in Convent and I've just sat for my PMR.

I have a younger sister.

I'm half Indian, half Filipino somewhat mixed Eurasian and Spanish.





Apart from that, I have no idea who I am.





As time went by, I changed. From small innocent girl, to quiet and goody girl who's always in class and listens to teacher, to a tomboy, to a emo, to what you see me now.





Is this the real me?


I don't know.


Will I change again?


Have I found myself yet?










I've always wanted to be more.

I've got so many dreams.

But I'm scared to dream, I'm scared of finding out over and over again my dreams can't be achieved.





I've always wanted to be a great speaker, a debater.

But I know I can't, there are people out there who are way better, have more experience, more skill.





I've always wanted to sing.

But I was told from time to time I suck, I'm off pitch. I was even told I'm tone deaf.





I've always wanted to dance.

But again, I'm surrounded by great dancers. I was told I can't dance. I was given "that" look.





I've always loved playing the guitar.

But I was told before my performance I suck.





I've always loved fashion.

But I can't draw. I was told before my clothes look old-fashion and my fashion sense sucks.





I've always loved acting and being on stage.

But I was told my voice is boring. I sound like a hawker. I have no emotions when I speak.





I've always loved writing.

But then again, there are people who's language are better than mine. Who have people to tutor them, to guide them.





I've always loved this certain game.



A game which I thought I would give it a try in form 1.

A game which I put my heart and soul into it.

A game which I sacrificed everything for.

A game which I thought I had a future in.

A game which meant everything to me.





But, again I was dissapointed. Just before my breakthrough competition, I was made a reserve.


I trained so hard for that position. I trained years yet it was taken away from me just because I could not shout loud enough.

Was I really that bad?

Yes, people have told me time and time again, don't give up, its not over yet.


But deep inside, eventhough I keep telling myself I can make a come-back, I can see, I can feel that its impossible.

I don't feel like I'm part of the team anymore.

I feel like I don't belong.


I don't feel worthy wearing the jersey.


I feel insecure that people look at me while I play.


I've lost all confidence when I play.


I've lost all passion for the game.

I've been advised not to let pride ruin everything, but its not just my pride.

Its just, I really can't bring myself to play anymore.

Everytime I stand in the field to play, all those memories just comes back. All those bitter memories of just being a reserve.







Its just really frustrating when you think you've figured out everything but you realise you haven't got a clue about anything.

Just who am I really?

What is my purpose in life?

What is my real calling?

Will I ever find out?