Still As Confused As Ever.

I just came back from Nao's birthday.

It was fun.

I was distracted from all problems for a short while.

My smile was truly sincere these past two days.

Now's back to reality and enduring some extremly highly hell-of-a-great people's fart again.

Pardon me for my French.

I'm in the process of making a few life changing decisions.

Its currently confusing me even more.

I must solve and make these decisions soon so that my peace of mind will return and life will somehow lighten up.

If only our purposes in life were much more obvious and clear cut to each of us.
Then, I, infact many of us won't be wasting most of our lives away just trying to figure out what's our purpose for existing on the face of this earth.
Decisons then will be so much easier, things will be clearer and I won't be so confused.
I'm tired of playing this game of "Guessing Which is The Right Move".
Thinking, thinking and more thinking.
It never ends.
I guess thats how things are supposed to be.

I wonder, what if my choices for life were made differently?
Will I be satisfied or will I still be moaning like I am now?
Humans are selfish beings.
We want everything.
Its in our nature to demand for the best of everything life can offer.
But somehow, the more we want and demand, the more difficult it is to find our inner-peace.
Contradicting in many ways, but thats just life. Its out to kill us in some way or another.

All we are certain of in our short-lived and extremly full of chaos life is we are all gonna die one day.
Death is the point which all humans are heading for.
So isn't it in a way wasting time for succeding so much when we are all meeting the same fate?
It doesn't matter if your a president or a begger each individual is heading for that one certain destination.
So why all these competition?
Why all these issues about this is my territory and that is yours?
Shoudn't everyone be considered equal?
Things like wars and racism should not exist.

I guess just being a teen my words don't carry much weight.
But just being a teen and I see this issues from this perspective shouldn't those who actually hold power have a much matured and beter perspective of certain issues?
Its a world where everyone are actually supposed not to be over competitive.
I guess its just we are so accustomed to being and wanting the best in everything we tend to forget that not everyone can afford to be first and that being number two is actually alright.

Gosh, what a long "speech".

I guess its been bottled up in me for way too long.

Its getting late, there's school, works incomplete, lesson remain unrevised and my list of to-do's keeps getting longer.

Best be off.

Atempting something new.

Some Are Just Too Fortunte For Their Own Good.

My blog titles are getting longer and longer. They are turning into something like a Fall Out Boy song title.
That reminds me, Fall Out Boy are performing in Singapore and I can't go.

Sadly I'm not fortunate enough.

I just can't believe that some people are just so freaking fortunate. Its like their life are filled with so many good things.

Why is mine just the total opposite?

Don't I deserve atleast something?

I strongly believe that one should get their responsibilities or positions according to their capibility and talents, not their ability to suck-up.

I just absolutely abhore the fact that some people can get away with almost anything.

Some don't even have an ounce of capibility or talent but can get all the oppurtunities in the world to provethemselves.

Not saying I'm absolutely great or anything, but I feel that I am just as capable or even much more capable then some people.

Its just, I'm never given the chance to prove myself, the chance to shine, the chance to lead, the chance to breakfree.

I'm always in the shadow of popular people who get every single chance in everything just because they are famous or one of their family members are.

What kind of message is being sent across?

People from poor families like me and have not so famous siblings have to work 10 times more than this famous people to be somebody?

Where is the justice? Where are our rights? What is the world comiong to?

Living the life I leave now, saying the things I say now, I'm being classed under the category of "Emo".

Just to declare things, I'm not even close to emo.

I just have a harder and tougher life compared to people my age.

So, I tend to see things from a bleaker point of view.

I tend to be a little unstable emotionally.

____________________________________________________________________

My friend who I met in Standard one is leaving on Monday.

Keshi, the girl who bullied me in primary one.

I'm really gonna miss her loads.

I mean although we weren't that close, we knew each other for like 8 years.

And seeing her on Friday and knowing that I won't get to see her again brought tears to my eyes.

Keshi, if you do ever visit my blog,

GOOD LUCK IN LIFE!

Luckily we took a picture together.

_____________________________________________________________________

I've given up on you.

I guess I should just be content with us being friends instead of spoiling everything.

You'll be like a brother to me.

This week has been a really long, exhausting and tiring week.

Everything went wrong. Everything was against me.

Life's been hard on me.

I'm praying hard for an improvement.

MP3 please?

In Need Of Serious Peace of Mind.

My blog is D-E-A-D.

Just like my social life, D-E-A-D.

Form 4 is turning me into a serious nerd.

thanks Mr. Joachim Goh whatever whatever a.k.a Tom Cruise (yea right)

For pointing out the fact my blog's dead and I'm always busy.

Everyday, doesn't matter if its Monday or Sunday, a weekday or a weekend, a normal schooling day or a holiday, I have work, work and yes, more work.

Add maths, Modern maths, Bio, Chem, Physics even Moral.

Every subject has work everyday.

Life is like a routine which is the same every single day.

Wake up, eat, school, homework, sleep.

Its the same for holidays as well.

We get work that would actually take us a year to finish.

Notes for every single subject, 100++ add maths questions and whatever nots.

I've actually got free tickets for the movies and I don't even have the time to sllep let alone catch a movie.

Am I like the only person in form 4 who feels this way??

Its like Joachim still has time to do everything normally and he blames me for being busy.

Like I can help it.

I don't see Rebecca or Greg cracking under the pressure.

Oh well, its Rebecca and Greg, the biggest smart asses of my time.

Ah well, its time for me to return to my work.

I still have ERT notes, EA work, more add maths questions and an exam coming up in 3 weeks time.

Was I this busy last year?

Will I be still stuck under the burden of my work this whole year?

How will my sweet sixteen be?

Not great. Its slap right in the middle of exam week.

WTF!!

I want an MP3!