Sometimes I think I have some extraordinary powers. I feel sometimes my mood controls the weather. Today for example, I was just feeling plain shitty. On the verge of suicide(a bit over-dramatic I guess). And the weather was just so saddeing. It was cloudy and the wind was blowing so strong. Looking at the surroundings I just felt a sense of lost in me, an empty feeling. Then it started to rain. At that point I just wanted to cry. But no I cant possibly cry in school right? I mean, no I will never let anyone see the tears I shed.
It just dawned upon me, not everyone gets what they want. So I guess its just a matter of time before you get what you truly deserve. When that happens should I care? or should I just sit and let you face it yourself. You never did anything for me, so why should I even care?
Its time to let go. But for me its easier said than done. How can I let go? I see you every single week and I just can't seem to accept the fact that it just ended just like that. Not even a fight occured. Nothing can make me hate you. I just hate myself for that. No matter what you do it just makes me hurt myself even more. And things get worse after I find out certain things. I just wish I could refresh my life. After all that has happened I'm getting so sick of continuing living in this state while I see another living in a very "loving and caring environment" yet actually have the nerve of complaining infront of me that thats not enough to satisfy you. Your just being plain tactless and selfish.
I hate being used. Do you know that the things you ask me to do every single time really hurt me. The feeling is like slowly dragging a sharp point across the most sensitive part of your skin. But I can't seem to tell you this cause I can't bring myself to fight with you. So I just go along doing what you want me to do.
I just don't get it. People cut themselves to actually feel the pain they are feeling. Yea right. I just hate it when people do it for attention. I mean if you really do it to ease the pain, then why do it on your hands and show it to the whole world that your cutting yourself. There are so many other parts of your body to be used to vent our your pain, anger and frustration right? But using your hands and flashing them publicly? Thats what I call attention seeking. I know how it feels to get hurt, but I don't go showing people I cut myself. I don't need people's pity and concern. Its just making them worried. I will solve my own problems or just get hurt by myself. I don't want others to feel the same hurt I do. Thats what I call being selfish. Cut yourself, fine. But please do it discreetly. Its just really sickening when you tell the whole world what your doing.
Fakers. Yup I absolutely hate fakers. But apparently I'm one now. Why? Because to counter a faker you need to be a faker youself. Just play along and soon you will find out the true colours of the so called "innocent, blur and sweet" person. I've seen your true colours and I'm just playing along and waiting patiently for you to fall into your own trap and then I shall see what your gonna do. It just gets so sickening when you freaking moan and groan about your parents being to strict. Dude! wake up and realise eventhough they are so strict your still doing they worst things imaginable behind their backs. Freak. Your so eff-ing bold. Every single time you complain I just feel like slapping you stupid face and telling you the fucking things you have been doing. So much for strict parents.
Ok, I guess tomorrow I've gotta get a grip of myself. I can't let my friends suffer cause of me. So I gotta smile more. Heck how I feel. So time to use my amazing cover-up skills.
It just dawned upon me, not everyone gets what they want. So I guess its just a matter of time before you get what you truly deserve. When that happens should I care? or should I just sit and let you face it yourself. You never did anything for me, so why should I even care?
Its time to let go. But for me its easier said than done. How can I let go? I see you every single week and I just can't seem to accept the fact that it just ended just like that. Not even a fight occured. Nothing can make me hate you. I just hate myself for that. No matter what you do it just makes me hurt myself even more. And things get worse after I find out certain things. I just wish I could refresh my life. After all that has happened I'm getting so sick of continuing living in this state while I see another living in a very "loving and caring environment" yet actually have the nerve of complaining infront of me that thats not enough to satisfy you. Your just being plain tactless and selfish.
I hate being used. Do you know that the things you ask me to do every single time really hurt me. The feeling is like slowly dragging a sharp point across the most sensitive part of your skin. But I can't seem to tell you this cause I can't bring myself to fight with you. So I just go along doing what you want me to do.
I just don't get it. People cut themselves to actually feel the pain they are feeling. Yea right. I just hate it when people do it for attention. I mean if you really do it to ease the pain, then why do it on your hands and show it to the whole world that your cutting yourself. There are so many other parts of your body to be used to vent our your pain, anger and frustration right? But using your hands and flashing them publicly? Thats what I call attention seeking. I know how it feels to get hurt, but I don't go showing people I cut myself. I don't need people's pity and concern. Its just making them worried. I will solve my own problems or just get hurt by myself. I don't want others to feel the same hurt I do. Thats what I call being selfish. Cut yourself, fine. But please do it discreetly. Its just really sickening when you tell the whole world what your doing.
Fakers. Yup I absolutely hate fakers. But apparently I'm one now. Why? Because to counter a faker you need to be a faker youself. Just play along and soon you will find out the true colours of the so called "innocent, blur and sweet" person. I've seen your true colours and I'm just playing along and waiting patiently for you to fall into your own trap and then I shall see what your gonna do. It just gets so sickening when you freaking moan and groan about your parents being to strict. Dude! wake up and realise eventhough they are so strict your still doing they worst things imaginable behind their backs. Freak. Your so eff-ing bold. Every single time you complain I just feel like slapping you stupid face and telling you the fucking things you have been doing. So much for strict parents.
Ok, I guess tomorrow I've gotta get a grip of myself. I can't let my friends suffer cause of me. So I gotta smile more. Heck how I feel. So time to use my amazing cover-up skills.
I feel slightly better.
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